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Dragging his Feet - Confessions of a Flipflop Revolutionary
Viva la Revolution!!!
flipflopgangsta
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Dragging his Feet

Title: Dragging his Feet.
Author: Flipflopgangsta
Characters: River, Kaylee, Simon, brief mentions of Mal, Zoe, Wash, Jayne, Book and Inara.
Rating: PG-13? For slightly disturbing images.
Fandom: Firefly, Pre-BDM
Words: 430
Summary: When he had found her, he had made a big fuss, and dragged her away crying, from the mess. River found that ironic because now she was the mess, Simon was crying, and she wished that Kaylee would drag him away from the sight of her.
Disclaimer: I pretty much don't own anything, let alone Firefly or Serenity.

Kaylee is sunshine, and light, and the sour-sweet taste of green apples in the fall. She is candy, and kittens, and holidays, happy memories. In some ways River is jealous; wants to be Kaylee instead of River. She wears Kaylee’s clothes, old and cast-off, plays Kaylee’s games, tries to act like her, and watches her, but it’s not the same. She wants to talk like friends with Zoe, and play games with Wash; wants to sit in Inara’s shuttle and let the older woman play with her hair. She wants to talk about gardens with Book, and listen to his stories, wants to be able to have a conversation with Jayne; a real one, without weapons or resentment. Most of all River wants to kiss Mal’s cheek, and tell him that she loves her captain. She wants so many things that Kaylee has, and when she is cogent enough to consider it, she wonders if she’s a terrible person.

River was coherent the day that she asked Simon to marry her, though she isn’t jealous of Kaylee for stealing her brother away. She was by turns so happy, and so very, very sad when she realized that Simon and Kaylee would be together for a very long time, because at that moment she knew that her brother would find happiness without her. She recognized the fact that this was selfish, but she didn’t know any other course to take, because she wasn’t stupid, and she knew that no one was going to love her. Everyone else had someone, but River was sure that she would end up alone; because she couldn’t be a burden to Simon forever, and she wouldn’t ever be quite right again.

 She remembers when their neighbor’s dog gave birth to puppies, remembers walking into the pantry and seeing bloody paw prints, and the mother dog licking her babies clean so carefully, and River knows that in this story she is one of those dead puppies; broken and useless, but saved because Simon believed that maybe she wasn’t all gone.

Finding that sad mother hound in the pantry where they kept the apples had ruined the fruit for her. Little River had curled up on herself, knees drawn up, squished tight, and cried until morning, when Simon found her. He had made a fuss, and she had been stubbornly heart-broken, but Simon had dragged her away, which River felt was ironic because now she was the mess, Simon was the one crying, and she wished that Kaylee would drag him away from the sight of her.

Tags: ,
I am in: the hospital
I'm feeling: anxious anxious
I am listening to: What Sarah Said - Deathcab for Cutie

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Comments
catnip13 From: catnip13 Date: December 29th, 2007 06:20 pm (UTC) (Link)
I enjoyed this. Thank you for posting it. I almost didn't click, because you said it sucked, but I saw it was short, so I did anyway. But I almost missed this, which would have been sad. So please don't sell your writing short.
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